Email Tips: The Easter Sunday Boost

This "tip" was originally delivered on Saturday, April 12th, 2014 .

Church attendance will see a boost next Sunday, traditionally the most religious day of the year.

Church growth experts tell me to prepare for this boost by preparing a special Easter message and making them feel at home. In other words, perpetuate the myth, feed the ignorance, patronize.

It is also said that if I told the truth then my chances of profiting from next week’s attendance boost decline significantly.

The church growth experts are right! I have not profited from the Easter boost for many years preaching the truth. Come to think of it, I have not financially profited from any boost in attendance ever, since my salary, like my salvation, is not dependent on church attendance.

The truth is I am instructed by the Lord not to hold one day above another, much of what surrounds Easter is extra-biblical, and one Sunday is not better than another for receiving spiritual merit with God (church attendance does not a Christian make).

In fact, attendance at our meetings generally decline for the holidays. I am sure this decline has nothing to do with my lack of patronization and church decorations.

Nevertheless, this year I am going to change all that.

Since enabling Biblical ignorance and patronizing religionists is so rewarding, we will be holding a special Easter Sunday service next week where anyone can attend without feeling embarrassed that I might say something silly from the Bible “rightly divided”.

My message will stop short of Paul’s epistles, and will be taken from the Lord’s ministry to Jews keeping the law.

I will spiritualize your favorite Easter traditions, explain why taking the Bible literally is foolish, and how all Christians can unite at Easter around the resurrection of Christ.

Don’t worry, I won’t mention the differing opinions about the gospel and resurrection which continue to divide the church.

Afterwards, we will have an egg hunt for the children, and chocolate bunnies….wait, wait,… my Easter pig is flying away.

For His glory,

Justin when pigs fly Johnson

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This "tip" was originally published in the weekly Grace Ambassadors Update sent free to subscribers.